Abercrombie's Push-Up for the Preteen

These days, who needs to earn self-confidence when you can buy it?

As breast implants are a pretty expensive option for the hopeful preteen, Abercrombie Kids, the miniature version of the wildly popular, hyper-sexualized former sporting goods retailer, has fulfilled every child's dream -- and every parent's nightmare -- with the padded push-up bikini top.

There was once a time, long ago, when little girls wished for their periods and a full cup size, which were the most significant symbols of bona-fide womanhood. Now, it seems, dreams of womanhood have been replaced with fantasies of growing a set big enough to score a Maxim cover and a spot on coveted quality television programming like 'Girls Gone Wild.'

It wasn't always this way. Then, again, the only thing a young girl was guaranteed to look forward to back then was a husband, dog and 2.5 children -- white picket fence optional. Yet somehow women's liberation and independence came with a crazy price, some sort of ass-backward package deal involving the right to vote at the cost of determining one's self worth based on T&A. We want to be on par with our Y-chromosomed counterparts, yet we're also quick to remind them, in the indomitable words of Destiny's Child's 'Bootylicious,' that they're not "ready for this jelly."

While we encourage young girls to keep their legs closed, apparently that doesn't mean they can't give their fellow prepubescent boys something to look forward to.

In high school, this makes sense: A teenage girl is young enough to receive positive guidance from respected elders, yet old enough to handle some decisions about sex, love and everything in between. What is a prom dress without bust-enhancing chicken cutlets? I, for one, have never been opposed to glorifying one's short-lived, cellulite-free existence with a miniskirt, but my mother certainly was.

But what exactly would an Abercrombie Kid even be pushing up? How does a parent win the age-old "they'll grow" argument when their daughter can just run out and buy a bust-enhancing bikini? How do we prepare girls for the far rougher roads ahead when they're concerned about achieving the perfect bikini body by age 6?

Perhaps the fact that we no longer procreate for utility has a lot to do with the over-glamorization of today's youth -- having children was once essential for keeping a family's home and finances in order; today, kids are one of America's hottest accessory. And what better way to show off your new ~~Chloe bag~~ child than in matching mommy and me swimwear? Clearly, what's been lost on Abercrombie here is that kids are... kids.

Long gone are the days of wishing for B-cups over birthday candles, and obsessing over how one must, must, must increase one's bust. Today, even the littles have the option of sexing up and showing out. If only their target audience knew what a hard-on was.